I'm gonna have a badass scar
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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