Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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