now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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