you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
