my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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