did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
