On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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