I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
