i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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