apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
