Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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