i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
