y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
