Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
