I just threw up on my dentist
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
