I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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