I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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