you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
