I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
