I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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