cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
