You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
