I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
