You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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