It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
