could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
