he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
