There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
