peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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