I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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