Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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