you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
