Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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