She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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