Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
