It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
