two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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