you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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