Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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