I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
