I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
