Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
3 2 1 whiskey
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
