mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
