So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
