If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
