go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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