I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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