his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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