you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
