I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
