Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize