i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
