ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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