omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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