you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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