yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
