I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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