PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
