1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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