Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
