man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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