omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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