Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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