just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
