apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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