i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
