You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just sent this text using only my big toe
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
