Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
