i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
