used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
