He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
