I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Barsexuality is the new black.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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