im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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