Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
