i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
