My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
