Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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