Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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