i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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