i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
