Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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