Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
