Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
