he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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