I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
