Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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