I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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