God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
